Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just crazy.

An apple a day will keep the doctor away if you throw it hard enough.

After the doctor left the room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"

The doctor says my cholesterol count is so high that I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

Day 44 without eating an apple... doctors are following me everywhere. the police are powerless to intervene.