Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over.

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money? It took you 5-7 seconds to take it from my account.

When a cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." How was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.