Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

How long does it take to get through a labyrinth? A minotaur two.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along?

Its okay password, I'm insecure too.

My goal weight it to be able to breathe while tying my shoes.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.