Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I love going outdoors... It's much safer than going out windows.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

Going to a music lovers meeting but can't remember if it's on... Penny Lane, Electric Avenue or down on Main Street.

Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

If I see one more person texting while driving, I am going to roll down my window and throw my beer at them.