Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When you said friends with benefits, I assumed you meant health and dental.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I accidentally downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar app on my phone. Now my battery keeps draining.

I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves. The correct answer was blood vessels.

I'm not saying I'm old... but when I was in school, we made ashtrays for our parents in art class.

I accidentally ran into a lamp post, but it was ok, I only suffered light injuries.