Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

The doctor says my cholesterol count is so high that I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.

When a cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." How was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?

My brain says "go to the gym," but my bed says "stay right here."

A recent announcement says half of all vehicles will be electric in ten years. My questions is "Which half? Front or Back?"