Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Apparently I snore so loudly it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80's far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.
I keep losing my phone. Why doesn't someone invent a phone that stays attached to the wall.
Can't believe someone stole my limbo stick. Seriously, how low can you go?
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just crazy.
I don't like the term "dad bod". I much prefer "father figure".
What's wrong when a physicist and a biologist enter into a relationship? There's no chemistry.
I got fired from the massage parlor for rubbing people the wrong way.
Think about it - every single corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends.
History does not repeat itself, people repeat history.