Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I love my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
Cops just left. They said if I am going to walk around my house naked, I am going have to do it inside.
My boss said "You are late to work for the third time this week. Do you know what that means?" "It's Wednesday?", I replied.
When I die I want to donate my chakras to pseudoscience.
I suppose if you saw someone rob an Apple shop you'd be an iWitness
I could have been a monk, but I missed my chants.
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success.
I'll take "inflation" for 400 billion dollars, Alex.
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd probably come in fourth so I wouldn't need to walk up to the podium.
I'm not stealing WI-FI. If it lands on my property, it's mine.