Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
It's rare that a defibrillator fails, but nobody's shocked when they do.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
Never fight with French people. They eat pain for breakfast!
I Googled "how to start a large fire" - 52,000 matches.
I'm at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn't have to get up to pee.
Nothing good ever starts with 'Got a minute?'
Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.
It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.
A local theater put together an act about jokes, it was a play on words.
I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.