Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I just quit cold turkey. It's fine, warm turkey tastes better anyway.

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

My coworkers accused me of having OCD, I immediately put them all in their place...

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.