Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

Someone stole my bike, so I called the police, and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Reality called, so I hung up.