Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.