Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My Monday motivation left a note. It said 'good luck' and disappeared.

When I was fired from my job as a stage designer, I just left without making a scene.

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

I'm now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.