Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I wonder if Vanna ever fell asleep at the wheel

I fell off a 20 ft ladder last night while working on my roof.
I am glad I was only on the first step.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.

I caught my wife cheating last night. Last time I play cards with her.

Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.