Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I once had an argument with a pen. It came to a draw.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

I caught my wife cheating last night. Last time I play cards with her.

Scientists estimate there are over 650 million obese people in the world, but those are just round figures.