Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

They say you are what you eat. In what did I eat anxiety and back problems?

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music.

I sent that 'Ancestry' site some info on my family tree. They sent me back a pack of seeds and suggested that I just start over.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

Day 44 without eating an apple... doctors are following me everywhere. the police are powerless to intervene.