Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

My coworkers accused me of having OCD, I immediately put them all in their place...

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.

The chicken went to the gym to work on his pecks.