Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.

Today's mood: somewhere between a 'meh' and a yawn.

I went to buy camouflage pants but couldn't find any.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.