Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying me.

For years there's been talk about getting rid of the US penny and they finally did it! Some people are just afraid of change.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

I saw an elderly man at the supermarket collecting shopping carts. He must have been pushing 70.