Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.

I live by my own rules... that my wife has reviewed, revised and then approved. BUT STILL MY OWN RULES!!!!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I like eating Nerds because I'm secretly hungry for aquarium gravel.

If I share it I don't have it. So I keep my secret.

If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old.