Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Diet tip: Your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any.

I'm on a seafood diet. If I see food, I eat it.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

How good would it be if a liar's pants really did catch on fire!

Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.