Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you're saying what you really think of them.

I hate it when people think they can just waltz into my office, when what I am listening to is clearly in 4/4.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside of the box.

1988: Don't get into a car with a stranger
2002: Don't meet people on the Internet
2018: Uber

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.