Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

When I was fired from my job as a stage designer, I just left without making a scene.

Do you know the worst part about books on rock climbing? Too many cliffhangers

If I see one more person texting while driving, I am going to roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.