Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

After a short conversation, someone asked me if I was a nerd.
I said I preferred the term "smarter than you".

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

My comfort zone has a waiting list.

Life's too short to be vanilla

I'm like an avocado: I'm only pleasant for a short period of time, and it's up to you to figure out when that is.

Thermometers are just speedometers for atoms