Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Listen... "8 glasses a day" is a just scare tactic used by Big Water to keep us all dependent.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

A new study reveals that listening to Queen might be bad for your health. This is due to unusually high mercury content.

Adding "Your Mom took Tylenol" to my list of insults.

Karma, you missed the list of people that I have.

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.