Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Albert Einstein is a great scientist, a good man. But his brother Frank, is a monster.

I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.