Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My coworkers accused me of having OCD, I immediately put them all in their place...

Everything will kill you, so choose something fun.

Just between you and me, I think "everything" bagels are making a lot of promises they can't keep.

God created the world. Everything else is made in China.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

When hanging toilet paper, remember beards are cool, mullets are bad.