Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Common sense is like deodorant; the people who need it most never use it.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.

Lance is a pretty uncommon name these days, but in medieval times, people were named lance a lot.

1988: Don't get into a car with a stranger
2002: Don't meet people on the Internet
2018: Uber

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."