Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When a cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." How was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

My boss said "You are late to work for the third time this week. Do you know what that means?" "It's Wednesday?", I replied.

I know I don't have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

When you said friends with benefits, I assumed you meant health and dental.

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.