Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

My coworkers accused me of having OCD, I immediately put them all in their place...

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.