Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Come over to the dark side...we've got candy.

If a man said he'll fix it, he'll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.