Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

They say you are what you eat. In what did I eat anxiety and back problems?

The doctor says my cholesterol count is so high that I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.