Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

Life is like a camera—focus on the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, just take another shot!

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.