Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...

Science Tip: You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.

I'm busy right now, can I ignore you later?

Life's greatest tragedy is that we grow old too soon, and wise too late.

I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.

A sprinter was shot with a starter's pistol yesterday. Police say it's race related.