Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

BREAKING NEWS: The inventor of yodeling has died. Sadly, so did his little old lady too.

I ran out of toilet paper, so I started using the newspaper. The Times are rough.

My goal in life is to have a Wikipedia page written about me. Maybe just a newspaper article. Ok, I'd accept a journal entry.

My doctor told me I’m going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear...

Nothing travels faster than light, except bad news in a group chat.

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.