Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
It's ok if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.
Thermometers are just speedometers for atoms.
âŠI've done terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work. âŽ
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off. I feel like I am being stalked.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
Every cattle ranch has a unique symbol to mark their cows with. It's their brand name.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I'll let you know.
I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went... then it dawned on me.
I need a new friend. The last one escaped.
What's the best way to open an egg? Hatchet.