Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
They've been treating me like one of the family, and I've put up with it for as long as I can.
You can't believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.
Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won't power.
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.
What's the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.
My mind is like an Internet browser. 19 tabs open, 3 of them frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.
I put my phone in airplane mode and now it calls me Shirley.
In a parallel universe people use Chrome to download Internet Explorer