Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.

Good morning people of my country. Tell me, what are we offended by today?

Starting a page called Older Fans, where I tell everyone what hurts today and what small task I was doing that caused the pain.

Studies have shown that people will believe in anything that starts with the words "Studies have shown".

Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you will find a brain back there.

I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to who can't.