Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I get kids confused when I say I am older than the Internet.

Starting a page called Older Fans, where I tell everyone what hurts today and what small task I was doing that caused the pain.

Having a weird dad builds character. At least that's what I tell my kids.

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

1988: Don't get into a car with a stranger
2002: Don't meet people on the Internet
2018: Uber

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.