Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I saw an elderly man at the supermarket collecting shopping carts. He must have been pushing 70.

I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate.

I found stir-fry on my bed this morning. I must have been sleep wokking again.

I've been trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but it's not easy. Good players are hard to find.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.