Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.

I wish I could mute people in real life.

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could have done for him.

If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

"Your career could be in jeopardy"
~ Alex Trebek's agent in 1984

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.