Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

A new study shows that taller people sleep longer in bed.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

I heard the best way to release emotion is to write letters to the people and burn them. What do I do with the letters?

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we would all sleep in toasters.

1988: Don't get into a car with a stranger
2002: Don't meet people on the Internet
2018: Uber

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.