Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My New Years resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. I am happy with my progress. Only 12 more pounds to go!

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.