Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My coworkers accused me of having OCD, I immediately put them all in their place...

It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.

Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to social media?

A best friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you die.

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.