Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds really fun if you don't know what either of those two things are.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.

Life is like a camera—focus on the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, just take another shot!

Checking the fridge for the 10th time to see if anything new appeared.

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.