Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

I finally realized I'm a morning person. I love mornings. 11 a.m. is my favorite.

For years there's been talk about getting rid of the US penny and they finally did it! Some people are just afraid of change.

1988: Don't get into a car with a stranger
2002: Don't meet people on the Internet
2018: Uber

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.