Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

"Lazy" is such a strong word. I prefer to call it 'selective participation.'

Someone stole my bike, so I called the police, and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

What do you call a sleep walking Nun? A Roman Catholic

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.