Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

In my life I've cut down 173 trees. I know because each time I keep a log.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I keep asking what LGBTQ+ stands for, but I never get a straight answer.

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.

Listen... "8 glasses a day" is a just scare tactic used by Big Water to keep us all dependent.