Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever the profession.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off. I feel like I am being stalked.

I keep losing my phone. Why doesn't someone invent a phone that stays attached to the wall.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

I made a huge to-do list today. I just need to figure out who's going to do it.