Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
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Welcome to our "ool", notice there is no "P" in it, let's keep it that way.
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A friend recently left his long career as a truck driver. He is now semi-retired.
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Nobody else in my family can preserve food, but I can.
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I'm currently helping my son search the house for the chocolate I ate last night.
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I was going to take over the world this morning, but I overslept.
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I would lose weight but I hate losing.
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Prepare your kids for social media. Put their artwork on the fridge and write a bunch of mean comments under it.
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The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
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Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside of the box.
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